Unintended Installations

(and other Techno-malapropisms)

By Debra Littlejohn Shinder, MCSE etc

The dictionary defines a malapropism as "The ludicrous misuse of a word, especially by confusion with one of similar sound." Those of us who spent our pre-Internet youth watching Archie Bunker on TV learned that the mangling of syllables often has hilarious results, especially when done unintentionally.

Using a word that is almost right, but utterly and completely wrong, is a practice that's not limited to sitcom actors playing uneducated blue collar bigots. We hear similar slips of the tongue from our political leaders, news anchors, and others who should – and probably do – know better, but momentarily find themselves saying something that has a meaning very different from the message they meant to convey.

The IT world, full of tech terms, jargon and a bewildering array of acronyms, is fertile ground for these sometimes embarrassing – though generally harmless – goofs. Recently, I started listening for and "collecting" some of the best of these that I came across as I talked with folks in the computer and networking industries. Here are a few of my favorites:

Another Monopolistic Microsoft Ploy?

Often, malapropisms come about not because the speaker doesn't know the word, but because his or her pronunciation causes it to come out as something different. Recently an experienced and highly competent IT trainer mentioned, in conversation, that one of his students had successfully performed an "unintended installation" of the Windows 2000 operating system.

Now, I knew he was really referring to an unattended installation, which is a common occurrence in rolling out new operating systems and software. But I could barely keep a straight face as my mind conjured up the image of Microsoft's new operating system taking the initiative to install itself when there was no intent on the part of any human being to install it. No doubt, the Microsoft conspiracy theorists will write to tell me that this, too, is happening all the time, and maybe my friend didn't mispronounce anything.

Freudian Slip?

Everyone has heard – or used – the common mispronunciation of the pride and joy of Windows 9x (and now Windows 2000): Plug and Pray. It seemed especially appropriate considering how frequently PnP didn’t work quite as expected.

Here are a few other, less often encountered slips of the tongue that I’ve run across recently:

When teaching an MCSE class recently, I presented a brief overview of security features. Afterward I overheard one student telling another that a different between NT and Win2K is that the latter “has IP sex.” Now that explains a lot – like where all the additional network traffic comes from. Obviously those packets have learned how to reproduce.

Although our networking classes are focused on the Microsoft certification exams, I always stress to the students that it’s very important not to remain MS-centric, but to learn about other operating systems because it’s highly likely they may find themselves working in hybrid environments. One student, though, told me that he didn’t mind learning NetWare, but wasn’t too fond of the “eunuch operating system.” I can see where that o/s might make some guys uncomfortable (no IP sex going on there, I suppose).

On another occasion, on a written quiz a student referred to the Windows “bowser service.” Now I know lots of folks would agree that Network Neighborhood is a dog, but …

I very nearly came unglued when I heard someone discussing the possibility taking the exam for “epoxy server” as an elective. I’ve heard that’s a pretty sticky test.

I know these students have been going to school too long, when I hear them talking about the Windows “registrar.” Sometimes I think I’ve been going to school too long, too. I think I’ll take some time off and reformat my slipped disc.