Cybersex:
For Love or Money?
Debra Littlejohn Shinder
Contrary to what some keepers of
the public morals would have us believe,there is much more to the Internet than dirty
pictures waiting to be downloaded and sexual predators looking for victims. The web and
other online forums provide a wealth of knowledge, information and entertainment -- most
of it inoffensive. You can find everyone, from the Pope to Mary Poppins, on the net.
Sexually oriented content makes up only a small fraction of the data available.
But we can't deny that just as most
large cities have their red light districts, adult bookstores and "gentlemen's
clubs," there are places in the virtual world where nice, upstanding girls and boys
don't hang out. Or if they do, it's something they do in secret, often disguising their
identities, something they probably don't talk about to their families and friends.
For those who want or need the
titillation of a never-ending parade of brand-new bodies, or the curiously disembodied
sexual thrill of "dirty talk" with strangers, it's all out there, just a mouse
click away. Often, though, it doesn't come free -- participation in sex forums often comes
only with a valid major credit card number.
Sex is one of the biggest
businesses on the net. The ads on the back pages of national computer magazines say it
all:
"Sexy hot naked babes"
"Thousands of XXX adult video clips"
"Hot realtime chat with men, women, couples, straight, bi and gay"
"Interactive video sex in living color"
One advertisement proclaims that
"it's the safest sex you'll ever have." Some political, religious and community
leaders, on the other hand, point to such solicitations as evidence that the Internet is
an evil and dangerous place, where perverts gather and wait to pounce on any innocents who
wander in unaware.
What is cybersex? What are people
doing out there over the modem lines that arouses (no pun intended) so many diverse
emotions? What's going on that's worth the big bucks being shelled out? Are these
computer-dependent "adult entertainment" services destroying marriages and
corrupting children or only emptying a lot of pocketbooks? Curious, I went in search of
answers.
The first thing I found out is that
not all sexually oriented Internet sites are created equal. A quick web search for
"sex" will bring back pages devoted to everything from scholarly discussion to
medical advice, from debate over Senate bills to Jim Bob's private collection of obscene
.gifs. You'll find mailing lists and newsgroups devoted to serious literary study of
classic erotica and you'll find others full of badly-written, plotless, unrealistic
"fuck stories." You'll find lonely, desparate people looking for love (or at
least for attention) in all the wrong places and you'll find coldhearted, calculated
sociopaths searching for potential victims to add to their collections.
But mostly, you'll find hundreds of
hopeful entrepreneurs, out to strike it rich by exploiting the All-American obsession with
all things sexual. Computer users can view and download digital photos of naked women, men
and every imaginable combination, caught by the camera in the graphic performance of any
act you can think of -- and some you might not have. But these electronic versions of
Hustler magazine are tame compared to the more "interactive" services.
Some are not satisfied with still
photographs or even with the "moving pictures" of the many audio/video movie
files available. Wanting at least the illusion of "contact," they move up to
two-way interaction with someone on the other end of the network line. This can take the
form of "hot chat," similar to phone sex except that parties type their sexually
explicit messages back and forth to one another on the keyboard. Or if their computers are
better equipped, they can communicate by voice with "web phone" technology.
The next step is live sight and
sound; the videoconferencing software so useful for business meetings has given the
sex-sellers a means to provide what their ads call "the next best thing to being
there." Participants can see and hear one another, pose for each other, and even
masturbate together. This is the ultimate (and most expensive) form of online sex, at
least for now. When holographic communication becomes reality, there's little doubt that
it will be eagerly embraced by those who are forever searching for new thrills -- and by
those who make a living by taking advantage of their weaknesses.
Like real-world prostitutes, the
sex service providers will give you whatever you want -- for a price. And also like in
real life, some of these "professionals" deliver exactly what they promise, and
others screw the customer in a way that he (or sometimes she) hadn't bargained for.
Paying to play can be outrageously
expensive. Some sites charge every time you access them, even though you may have thought
the "membership" fee that you agreed to pay when you signed up and gave them
your credit card number was a one-time thing. Once they have that number on file, your
user name and password identifies you to them each time you sign on. They can charge you
again each time you access the site -- and sometimes even when you don't. One man found
that one brief foray into an X-rated online forum brought multiple charges to his credit
card. At $29.95 per visit, it adds up fast.
Unscrupulous site operators can get
away with overcharging because in many cases, when credit cards are billed or bank
accounts electronically debited, users overlook the extra amounts since they don't keep
track of the number of times they used the service. And even if they do notice the
discrepancies, they may be reluctant to protest for fear that a spouse or employer will
find out how they spend their online time. Even assuming no "funny money
shenanigans," what are customers getting for their money? Why do people turn to their
computers for sexual pleasure in the first place?
Perhaps there's a clue in the
answer to another question: why has the "world's oldest profession" been a
thriving one since the beginning of civilization? The thing most women wonder is why these
guys spend money on something of lesser quality than what they could get for free.
Bought-and-paid-for sex is almost always loveless and impersonal. Why do so many men waste
their hard-earned dollars on it? Is it because that's exactly the kind of sex they want?
If the real-world prostitute is a
depersonalized "thing" in the mind of the average "john," how further
removed from reality must cybersex-for-hire be? Surveys and studies in the newly emerging
field of cyberpsychology show that many of those who use the Internet and online services
are unable to appropriately separate reality from fantasy in the nebulous land of
electronic communication. To many, the people on the other end of the modem line are not
quite "real," but more like characters in an interactive game, the product of
some sophisticated program.
Many of the men who surf the net
looking for "hot chat" and sexually-oriented interaction don't seem to realize
that they're conversing with human beings. Prostitution has always been a means of
objectifying the sex partner, turning her into a commodity rather than a person. The
nature of net communications, for some people, does the same -- providing an emotionally
"safe" way to get sexual thrills with no commitment or personal involvement
required. This may be true even when there is no upfront "sex for sale"
understanding, even when engaging in online interactivity with individuals who don't share
the sense of unreality.
Many women have been hurt when the
cyber relationship they thought was real turns out to have been just a game to the other
"player." The men involved -- usually married and not interested in leaving
their wives or having a physical affair -- profess to be surprised that their "just
for fun" talk was taken seriously. In their minds, they paid their money (in the form
of access fees and computer equipment) and wanted to have a little fun in return. From
their perspectives, they weren't having a "relationship" at all.
Women in this situation may end up
feeling confused and used. In this "worst of both worlds" scenario, they've been
treated like common prostitutes, but didn't even get paid for their services.
At least those who bare their
bodies for the porn photographers or talk dirty for the advertised sex services know that
they're being bought and sold -- and probably receive some portion of that hefty credit
card membership fee in renumeration.
Copyright©
1997 Debra Littlejohn Shinder
Reprinted from Moondance
Debi Shinder is a writer, editor/publisher,
graphic artist, trainer and computer consultant and teaches at Eastfield College in
Mesquite, TX. She lives with her husband, Tom, and son, Kris in the Dallas-Ft. Worth
metropolitan area. |
